Political Malpractice

With a nod to Dax, .... Just Damn!

I was about to call it an early night, but this seems to have been custom written for a brisk fisking. Who am I to deny them their pain?

Dean Blames Third-Place Finish on Attacks
24 minutes ago

By NEDRA PICKLER, Associated Press Writer

Actually Nedra, most of us here in the blogosphere could have told you that about twenty four days ago, give or take a few days. (the money quote is the closing line, fyi)

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa - Howard Dean (news - web sites) finished his Iowa campaign Monday night the way he began — impassioned and defiant of his Washington rivals.

"We have not begun to fight," Dean shouted to supporters after a startling and distant third-place finish behind Sens. John Kerry (news - web sites) of Massachusetts and John Edwards (news - web sites) of North Carolina.

Howie, might it be that the only fighting you've ever done is to fight your way out of the Armed Forces and onto the ski slopes? Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. The Purple Fart you earned while fighting the Evil Episcopalian Empire in order to wrest a new bike path from their eccumencial clutches. Such gallantry.

Surely, more harrowing than flying an F-102 Delta Dart?

Dean bounded onto stage, high-fiving supporters with a wide grin and waving an American flag. He looked determined not to appear disappointed break down into a quivering puddle of bewling, snot-blowing tears.

"We will not quit now or ever," the former Vermont governor shouted to supporters. "We want our country back for ordinary Americans."

So says the scion of wealth, raised in a Park Avenue upbringing, Ivy League educated and whose first inkling of an "ordinary American" would be the sensation of one our size eleven boots suddenly and forcefully impacting his pandering, elitieist ass. That would give him a headache, methinks.

Dean blamed the loss on attacks he suffered as the one-time front-runner. His rivals pummeled him with criticism, saying he have the foreign policy experience or temperament to lead the country.

Well, even his blind-squirrel rivals oughta find a nut every now and then! But Howie? You'd fare better if you weren't the leading supplier of Nutbombs for the Nutty, Nattering Ninnies of the left.

He responded by painting his rivals as Washington politicians tied to special interests who wouldn't stand up to President Bush (news - web sites) on the war and other issues.

Hard for Howie to make any kind of sense, with cheeck-pouches full of nuts. But I will point out, that Howard Dean is Howie's favorite "special interest". (I have heard though, that Howie makes Allah feel a little funny in the pants, if ya know what I mean?)

"We were pretty much the target of everybody for a long time," Dean said on CNN's Larry King Live. "And it's hard to sustain that."

You're so wrong, Howie. Just stay in the race, and we'll sustain your targetability for just as long as you'll hang in there. I mean, it's not every day that we get to shoot at a sihlouette consisting of nothing but a 10x scoring zone!

Dean congratulated Edwards and Kerry on a strong finish, but said he told them "we would see them around the corner, on the other side of the block, starting tomorrow morning." He said he would win in their home states and across the country.

Get used to giving those concession speeches, Howie. It's pretty sad when even the liberal media Pravda and Investia are on to you.

Dean racked up endorsements from Al Gore (news - web sites) and Sen. Tom Harkin, and words of praise from Jimmy Carter, all of whom won the Iowa caucuses in the past. The establishment embrace did him little good.

Just Damn! Talk about the Trifecta of Political Death....and you're proud of those endorsements? Shit, that's like being endorsed for your surgical skill by Jeffery Dahmer, Robert Durst and John Gacy, combined!

Dean did well among young adults, a group he was counting on for victory, but he was not as strong as Kerry, according to an entrance poll of caucus-goers. Dean got the support of a fourth of young adults, Kerry got a third. He also fared poorer than Kerry among those who strongly disapproved of the war in Iraq (news - web sites) and those who had more education.

Well Howie, maybe you think by forfeiting the "those who had more education" vote to Kerry, you can turn to those good ol' boys you'd mentioned earlier. You know, the ones with the gunracks. And the Confederate flags. One problem, Howie. They're smarter than you, and have longer memories. And damn sure, they know their history better than you know your Bible.

The poll was conducted for the National Election Pool — made up of The Associated Press and the TV networks — by Edison Media Research and Mitofsky International.

Made up of? Hell, with the spin that crowd imparts to their polls, "made up by" would be far more appropriate to 'em.

Many of the supporters at Dean's caucus night party at the Val Air Ballroom in West Des Moines were out-of-state volunteers. Marla Camp of Austin, Texas, headed straight for a beer to mark a disappointing end of 10 days working in Iowa.

Careful Marla. Hang out with Howie much longer, and you've a nice ER visit for alchohol poisoning in your immediate future.

At the AA podium: Hi everyone, I'm Marla *hic* and a Dean supporter. *hic*

The AA crowd: Shut the fuck up, Marla! Just have a drink and shut the fuck up already!!!

"We really felt some good things coming in," she said. "Our confidence level has been pretty high."

An obvious misquote, which should have read: "We felt quite a buzz coming in. But we had to have been high to have any level of confidence in Howie's Kamakazie Kampaign!"

Camp predicted that the loss would only serve to mobilize Dean supporters around the country.

"It can only make us stronger," she said.

Thanks for the warning, Marla. I'll remember to stay upwind of you and your Deaniacs. The corpse is already beginning to stink, and you confuse it for sweet perfume.

I guess OD'ing on rancid bongwater will do that.

Comments

[Ms Anna]

Perhaps the phrase, "Doctor, heal thyself" is appropriate. He must have a problem. His foot is always in his mouth, and tonight he definitely sounded delusional.

[Rivrdog]

Here's the meat of this nut: as most people mature, usually starting at around age 25, they begin to see value in leaders who DISPASSIONATELY get the job done. GWB's calm demeanor on ALL public pronouncements soothes the viewer and impresses our nation with his capabilities.

In contrast, Dean's screaming, arm-waving shirtsleeved presentations impress no one but the wild-eyed youth that initially brought him to the fore. His many factual errors and lack of knowledge about world affairs confirm the idea in most Americans, of EITHER PARTY, that he is nothing but mouth and lungs, with no evidence of an attached brain.

That's your anatomy lesson for today, DOCTOR Dean.