I Have to Pee

Too much information?

I don't think so, at least not in this case.

A job offer has come my way, and not a moment too soon. Commissioned sales, and the pay plan looks good. Very good, in fact.

So, tomorrow, I have to pee in their little bottle to prove that I'm suitable for employment. M'heh! Imagine, they're about to get the first test back they've ever seen that says: caffeine positive!

My neighbor John elected to celebrate by buying me a litre of Maker's Mark. The seal of which will be broken one evening in the not too distant future. In appreciation, I fired up the Magna grill on the taffrail for the first bbq of the season.

Nice to know I haven't lost my touch in the galley, anyway.

With tonight's grilled exception, it's still gonna be beans n' rice at best, until that first check hits. I estimate, about two to three weeks hence. In fact, methinks it'll be beans or rice, on alternating nights untill the piggy bank gets plugged into that paycheck I.V.

I've never been this broke in my life, but I'd quit that last job a thousand times, before I would take one fucking teaspoon of the shit they were trying to shovel.

Some things just matter that much. I'm not above accepting help from a friend, but I'll be damned if I take one thin dime from those who show me emnity. And my former boss showed me that, no matter how slick and oily the words which concealed the daggers.

So, a huge sigh of relief, combined with the stress of trying to figure out how to feed the cats (literally) for a while. I'll manage, and I'll find ways to get it done. I know I've taken days off of my life over this.

There has been that much stress.

But it's worth it, too. I can look in the mirror in the morning; I can stand tall and walk proudly.

Sometimes, it is the principle, that matters.

Comments

[loiq]

Stress causes hair loss, Jim.I quit a VERY lucrative job with opportunities openning up for advancement monthly -- I jumped out of the pan into the fire, onto a hotter pan then into a hotter fire -- This went on for two years until I couldn't take it anymore!
Now I can look at my poor bald pate in the mirror with pride.
I REALLY wish the best of luck on you.
-J

[Yellowlegs]

Congratulations! Did the new resume help? I put some coins in your cup, so go buy yourself some steaks and grill them up instead of rice and beans.

[Linda]

Congratulations sweets! I DO know what you've been going through ;)Good Luck with the new job.

[Jack]

Congratulations on the new job! I've always hated the drug testing; peeing into a cup always seems demeaning to me, and if there is so little trust in the employee from the get-go, how much loyalty does the company really expect from the employee after that bad start?

Best of luck!

[Fredrik]

Good for you Jim, good luck!

[Val Prieto]

Good news Jim! Congrats mi amigo.

[marcus]

...congrats on the job offer, Jimbo. If you want I can collect some pee samples from the bar here. Let me know whatchur looking for and how bad you wanna scare'em! hahaha

[Sam]

Congrats my friend...Cool Runnings.

[dragonfly jenny]

Congratulations on the new job!
Though I lament the current climate in which any and every job requires a pee test. Yeah, gotta make sure those salespeople aren't out there endangering national security, or THE CHILDREN, or the moral fabric of society, or whatever the fuck the powers-that-be are worried about. Seems like assessing someone on the basis of just plain old job performance has become passe. Sheesh. But I am glad to hear of your new employment :)

[Tina]

Great news about the job.

[bill]

Congrats, jim!

I'm with you! I'll take rice and beans over abuse any day! Steaks on the grill not too for off for you I'm sure!

[Indigo]

I sent the cat a couple of cans of cat food, but Pay Pal seemed to glitch me!! Let me know about it, ok?

And BTW - I've never heard of anyone who lives on a boat going hungry! Granted, you can't catch a steer out there in that water but beans go pretty good with fish and crabs!! ;^)

[doc Russia]

Excellent news to hear, Jim!

as for the peeing, I think I rubbed my platoon commander the wrong way when we had to do randomized urinalysis. He had to watch me pee, and I asked him:
So lieutenant, what's it like going through all those years in college just to have to watch my 12th grade educated pecker as I piss in a cup?

Then again, the officers were usually not that fond of me.

[Guy]

Congrats, Jim!

If you're 1/10th as effective at sales as you are at writing, you will (with God as your witness?) never go hungry again.

Godspeed, and salut!

[Denita TwoDragons]

Good luck, Jim! And have fun at the poor piss-tester's expense: Get a small bottle of coyote whizz from one of those gardening / hunting supply places and use THAT instead of your normal juice! ;-)

--TwoDragons

[Denita TwoDragons]

Or better yet--find a female friend of yours who is pregnant! MUUAHAHAHA!

--TwoDragons

[Anne]

I like Denita's idea -- how about WOLF?

And congratulations on the job. Good luck with it.

[Jim]

Now that I've recovered from laughing crazily over Denita's suggestion, please let me thank the five of you who made the tip jar sing.

Thank you, very, very much. You have no idea what a difference you've made. I am truly honored and appreciative.

And Yellowlegs? Yes, absolutely, and THANKS for your proofreading of that sad, comical document.

It seems to have worked.

Well, I've a few blogs to go read, then I'll get back over here and get caught up with a post or such.

Y'all are the best. Thanks, each and every one of you.

Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

[Mollbot]

Good for you Jim! (I thought cats ate mice?)

doc Russia, you would have fit right into my division. The urinalysis dept. *hated* to see us pop up on their random list! (Yes, we had an office on the ship that did that job, and that job alone, every day.) We really didn't appreciate being dragged away from real work so an NCO or officer could watch us go #1... and somehow, we always managed to pass on that vibe. The best was when they called for one of us on a Duty day... we were stuck on the ship for 24 hours anyway, so somehow we'd always be assigned to important work until about a half-hour after their nominal "go-home" time. They couldn't leave until their list was finished... ah, sweet revenge. Man, we were jerks.

[Nikoms]

Good on ya! A bottle of estrous deer pee would serve those little shits perfectly. I'd pay to see the look on the company doc's face as he tells you that you're a pregnant whitetail deer. (Rob, pour it into the plastic bottle, don't drink it)
I recently stood on a pier with two old snaggle tooth broads (CV-59, CV-60)from mine and my dad's past. They're in Newport now, tied, chained and fenced off. Sad really.(59 is listing about 8 degrees). It caused me to look/think back on my own path, how it's crossed my father's. Gray boats, gray airplanes, all that stuff. He's a Sara' plank owner. I flew on both and had distinctly different experiences on each of them. Dad wears that same I-am-what-I-am, matter-of-fact look on his face that you have in your picture.
Forrestal tried to kill me four times. That boat wanted me dead.
Saratoga treated me like a lover.
Weird.
Keep writing.
I'll keep reading.

[Emperor Misha I]

WONDERFUL!

You can't keep a good man down and you, sir, are a VERY good man!

[Mollbot]

Man, Enterprise only tried to kill me twice, and she wasn't very serious about either attempt. Maybe she kind of liked me.

[Geoffrey]

Congrats!

It is ALWAYS the principle that counts.

[Acidman]

Jim, you'll do fine. And I agree that it's better to die standing than to live on your knees.

Good luck on the new job. And get rid of the fucking cat.

[Da Goddess]

Jim, I've been in that position before. I'm glad you have a new job and greater things to come.

As for the cat...keep the cat and piss on Acidman. What a sourpuss! ;)

[DeAnna]

Congrats Jim.

I hope you're still close.

I KNOW you'll be a good salesman. You've got the deep,smooth Barry White voice and that way with words that will have everyone eating out of your hand.

[Cindi]

Congrats on the new job, Jim!

Btw, I loved your post "What Matters". I sent the link to it to my aunt who is a stepmother.
She wrote me back and thanked me...said she loved it!
Cindi

[Rey]

Dude, sent your cats couple of cans of cat food thru paypal. Hang on, its going to get better.

[Betsy]

Congrats, Jim. Yeah, been there dun that. I worked in a hellhole of a place for 8 long and weary years until saying, enough! and walking out. Sometimes indeed it is the principle that must win out. You watch, better things will come your way. Much good luck.

[humidors]

Jim...I finally got around going through this chain of humidors called your blog....the articles are really impressive and I kind of think I recognize this one...or at least the thoughts behind it...Everyone gets busy and puts fires out without consideration to the affects outside the (excuse the indsutry expression) humidor. Man you really gave this lots of thought and it is greatly appreciated. I will make sure that the right guy in the org follows up. Lately all I've been doing is putting out the fires of growth...Talk to you soon...AL inside the humidors and trying to get out for a few minutes without smoking all the cigars in it...