Gigging Frogs

From a MyWay news article a couple days ago, this gem about a pair of ....well....

....I really don't know whether to catergorize 'em as terrorists or as Kerry supporters. Guess we'll have to ask Chiraq if there's really any difference?

Anyway, let's see what ReuterRooter's has on our twin terror teasing twits.

Jul 30, 2:52 PM (ET)

By Laure Bretton

Frenchmen Say Guantanamo Detention Was Like Hell

PARIS (Reuters) - Two Frenchmen described as hell Friday their more than two years of detention in the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, their lawyer said after meeting them for the first time.

Now, right from the start, you're being led to think of horrid conditions, brutal tortures and shameful treatment. And I suppose, to a Frenchman, much of their experience would indeed be terrifying, frightening and shameful.

But then, good manners, hot water, soap and deodorants are to Frenchmen what mirrors, crosses and wooden stakes are to a vampire.

Mourad Benchellali and Nizar Sassi had concerns "about the interrogation techniques and medical experiments" at Guantanamo, Jacques Debray said outside the headquarters of the DST domestic intelligence service where the two men were being questioned.

A letter from Sassi said "bizarre" medicines had been given to inmates at night and that one caused some prisoners to break out in spots, Debray told reporters. He gave no other details.

Sorry to break this to you, Inspector Cluelesseau, but a shower just isn't really an interrogation technique. Torturous though it may seem to the average Frenchman.

And since when did Lava soap become a "bizzare medicine"? Oh, and those spots? Those are probably the first patches of clean skin those slimly, two-legged escargots have seen since childhood.

"Each of (the two men) used the same expression, 'We have emerged from hell'," Debray said.

They said that every time they stepped out of the shower. Okay, okay...so the water was a bit warm. I'd say "quit'cher whining", but then, doesn't every word out of a Frenchman's brie-hole sound just like a spoiled three year old being pulled empty handed from a Toys R Us?

"This is huge for them because it's the first time in two-and-a-half years that they have been able to talk to someone other than a soldier or a police officer, apart from their fellow detainees."

Well, it's also the first time in two-and-a-half years that anyone other than an interrogator has given half a decent shit about anything they had to say incessantly whine about.

Debray said he would request a full medical examination for his clients when they were brought before anti-terrorism judges Saturday.

That'll be cute! Y'think the judges might blush when the doctors bend them boys over for the ol' finger wave? Cuter still, do you think perhaps RotoReuter's might find a journalist who could accurately phrase separate chronological events in his reporting?

Under French law, defense attorneys have access to clients only after 72 hours of detention. Lawyers can see case notes once suspects are brought before an examining magistrate.

Damn good thing then that the (oxymoron alert!) French military didn't capture these feckless frogs on the battlefields of Afghanistan. Much better that their surrender was properly accepted (with a contemptuous yawn, probably) by some kick-ass American soldiers who didn't have to bother with silly shit like Miranda warnings on the battlefield.

Two other former Guantanamo detainees, Imad Kanouni and Brahim Yadel, are being questioned alongside Benchellali and Sassi at DST headquarters.

Ahhh yessss...Kanouni and Yadel. But of course, these are old-blood French names, mon ami! Old friends from the Crusades, they're only populating France as long term tourists! Very, very long term, if they have their way, but then why shouldn't they? I mean, if France doesn't want to think it has anything to fight for, why who are we to object to their surrender to Mecca?

Hah, and Kerry Chiraq thought we conservatives lacked nuance!.

All four were detained by French authorities on their return to France from the U.S. base in Cuba Tuesday aboard a military plane.

So, if they were led from the plane in handcuffs, does this mean they were double frog-marched in twin Sashays du LePerps? Just wondering, y'know.

The four were captured during the U.S.-led war in Afghanistan and held by American forces on suspicion of having fought for the ousted Taliban government.

Oui, but did they fight to the last croissant before bravely waving their cafe napkins in fearful surrender?

President Jacques Chirac said this week the four had been returned to France after lengthy talks with U.S. authorities and pledged they would face French justice.

At which time they'll both be awarded the Ordier du Allies le Backstabbier and Le Medales Kickbaque Nationales United for Surrender above and Beyond the call of Cowardice. This is Frances second highest honor, being almost as admirable as the vaunted Chevalier les Appeasemont.

Three other Frenchmen remain in Guantanamo.

If only it were Chirac, John French Kerry and DeVillipan, the world would be a better place.

(y'all French speakers give me the correct lingo for those medals, etc. in the comments, and I'll make the appropriate corrections!)